Perhaps you have heard it stated people who talk to themselves are ok as long as they do not answer. Well, I disagree. Here is why? Ever felt like you’re on a leash… pretty much all of your life? This leash maybe labeled “Please everyone” or whatever fits.
The moment you “try” to please yourself you feel guilty; Or you question yourself about who you are. This sets off an internal war—again! A war that seems to be perpetual with no end in sight…. A war that colours our decisions and charts the course in our lives.
My truth: I remember when I was 9 years old performing at a Christmas Program at my Primary School, Catherine Hall Primary School, in Montego-Bay, Jamaica.
I sung Whitney Houston’s song, “The Greatest Love of All.” I never understood, then, why I selected this song:
I believe the children are our future
Teach them well
And let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty
They possess inside
Give them a sense of pride
To make it easier
Let the children’s laughter
Remind us how we used to be
Everybody’s searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone
Who fulfilled my needs
A lonely place to be
And so I learned to depend on me.
I decided long ago
Never to walk in anyone’s shadow
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I lived as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can’t take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
Everybody seems to know what “your problem is.” Truth is they don’t know it… better yet, they don’t know it like you know it or feel it like you know it. Bob Marley says it best,”Who the Cap Fit Let them Wear it.”
Some possible “other truths” … you never had a chance to figure out “you.” Who you are in some ways was determined by others or other person’s lack. Then here comes life with responsibilities and demands. For some of us, becoming a parent early in life, like I did, others taking care of other family members, such as siblings, without a choice, aging parents and so forth. Guess what, you are still trying to figure out who you are…
Then we inevitably pass the “please everyone” baton or “what you call it” on to our offspring…. the next generation as if it’s a rite of passage.
So, remember that song I performed when I was 9 years old? A month ago, I was with my husband at a meeting; and in the office where we were, the song, “The Greatest Love of All,” was playing. Something moved within me! Why you say? 35 years later, I finally understood why I selected that song. That song was an expression of healing, hope, and release of that label “please everyone.” My husband saw a tear in the corner of my eye and he too had tears welling up in his.
Is it time for you to answer those questions you have been having about you? That internal war? IT IS UP TO YOU!!! If you decide, would you consider the following:
⦁ Identify and learn ways to honour yourself is where selflove STARTS (write them down and take steps to act on them)
⦁ Step into your courage and learn to look at yourself is where self-hate STOPS (seek appropriate support and accountability)
⦁ Allow that inner war to be the catalyst for the release or the uncovering of “you” (Seek appropriate supports)
⦁ Intentionally set and reset boundaries for yourself and your relationships