Everyone at one time or another experienced feeling abandoned! Abandonment is sometimes a deliberate act and at other times due to circumstances beyond our control. For example, in this fast-paced life, with so many responsibilities and constraints, we unwittingly do the very thing that we do not like: we make choices that cause the people we love to feel abandoned; sometimes it’s just misplaced priorities or poor judgment.
WHERE DID IT BEGIN?
Feeling abandoned is a strong and real emotion, especially when supported by early childhood experiences. This can be pervasive and may have long-term effects on overall well-being. As a child or adult, abandonment causes pain – pain that sometimes causes us to question the meaning and purpose of life. We may have gut-wrenching questions pertaining to God’s existence and love. With no ‘reasonable answer,’ this often leaves us feeling abandoned, increasing the wound.
Despite the enormity of the wound, depth of feeling, and gravity of the circumstance, we are never alone, and there is always hope. God is always with us and is able to deliver us in ways beyond our request and imagination (Eph. 3:20). God’s promises are sure. He has promised to never leave or forsake us. Above all, none of our experiences are wasted. God is able to make all things work together for good (Romans 8:28-39). Although difficult when in the fire or in the storm, we need to simply trust God and be patient. He is already on the case and is working it out.
However, how we respond under trying circumstances will determine whether the test is repeated. There are lessons to be learned. We must be teachable and learn our lessons if we are to be overcomers. We can decide to become victims or victors.
Sometimes we may need to:
- Revise our belief about ourselves
- Revise our belief about others
- Revise our belief about life in general and
- Renew our relationship with God
We are more than conquerors. God is the game-changer (Romans 8:37). In other words, comfort, and direction in the face of difficult circumstances may be realized when we put our trust in Him and cooperate in the pursuit of purpose.
WHAT IS OUR RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN “ABANDONMENT” & GOD
As human beings, we are creations of habit. We tend to mirror the behaviors of others around us. In other cases, we behave in ways our prior environments influenced us. As a result, we act in ways that are either trusting or mistrusting of ourselves and others. Hence, our actions and decisions serve to either protect or gratify—or both. In the matter of abandonment or “left”, most people function in ways that will protect themselves. However, when these attempts fail, then the old wounds of abandonment show up. Unfortunately, those messages of not feeling important or that you can depend on anyone are amplified.
The brain records events and our emotions. I often write about childhood experiences. These events, we at times forget, but the emotions remain— and are vivid. While all of our experiences are not bad; there’s probably that one incident or couple of similar things that were significant. Subsequently, creating feelings of abandonment. Resulting in a mistrust of others.
WHAT DO WE TEND TO DO?
Suddenly, a mentality and personality of “I believe it when I see it” or “I can’t depend on anyone but me” becomes the primary way of thinking, feeling, and behaving. This can be exhausting!
Unfortunately, when circumstances outside of our control go wrong, this mindset is reinforced—hardwired:
- Financial Hardships
- Broken Relationships
- Death & Illness
Seemingly, repeating the same feelings and scenarios from childhood—a self-fulfilling prophecy. This feeling of abandonment becomes part of our identity and we relate this way to even God. Unfortunately, in these times of difficulty, is when we tend to feel abandonment, by God, the most. As a result, leaving us feeling a sense of powerlessness, anger, and maybe even depression.
I feel the need to include, here, that God is so contaminated by others’ actions. Consequently, causing emotionally, wounded people who desire to have a relationship with God or develop their spirituality to have great difficulty in this pursuit/discovery. https://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Intelligence-Dr-Douglas-Lawton/dp/1941632289/ref=sr_1_1?qid=1652373968&refinements=p_27%3ADr.+Douglas+A.+Lawton&s=books&sr=1-1&text=Dr.+Douglas+A.+Lawton
REVISING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD
Abandonment brings with it other destructive seeds. Undoubtedly, abandonment produces doubt, unbelief, procrastination, codependency, and the need to control. We all have seasons of hardships in our adult lives that can trigger a deeper sense of abandonment–feeling lost and left.
It is safe to say most play the blame game when things go wrong. We blame ourselves and others, and we blame God. Blaming God may sound like, “Why did God not stop the divorce?” Or “Why did He allow the death or the illness?” This brings further isolation and deepens feelings of abandonment. Blaming God leaves no one else to help, producing a crisis of faith, and we fall apart.https://nbhi-llc.org/2021/10/spirituality-in-psychotherapy/
I have come to understand the importance of having sound spiritual health. It supports the other parts and functions of my being. It brings harmony, balance, support, meaning, and purpose.
Begin your healing today and live a more meaningful life. Here are some steps, supported by research that I’ve found necessary:https://nbhi-llc.org/product/my-history-of-spirituality/
- Resolve issues that have prevented faith or belief from developing
- Identify the benefits, blessings, and baggage of personal and family spiritual histories
- Increase awareness of the benefits and blessings of present beliefs and spiritual heritage or upbringing.
- Let go of or work through past spiritual baggage that has prevented spiritual growth.
******* Understanding the importance of this through my life and the life of the women I have served, I have created a worksheet to help you begin this repair.****** Here is the link: