“Gone with the Wind”

Gone with the Wind

Gone with the Wind: You and I have experienced dropping a piece of important paper on the ground only to have the wind pick it up in many directions. Then, this vigorous, frantic, yet, elegant chase to recapture it ensues!
How comfortable are you “being with yourself?” You have probably already mastered this notion—“bear hugged it!” If you have no idea what I am talking about—–largely due to the risk of a close-up view, you are probably already not interested any further. I understand! Perhaps, you see this scheme in someone else, though; then you probably should read on and have this as a nugget to share.
If you decided to hang on, let’s clear up what “being with yourself” is. To be fair, this might look different for each person; but there are basic tenets, emotionally and psychologically, to this:

Identify the emotion

a. Experience a range of emotions (being open without feeling judged)
b. Identify the emotion (s) (allow yourself to feel and share your emotion-format may vary)
c. Tolerate or work through the emotion (s) in a way that is healthy and productive (sit-with or experience the emotion)
d. Understand and evolve in your cycle/stage of growth and development { action steps to support your need(s)or task (s)}

Unfortunately, if during the formative years you and I were not allowed to experience a range of emotions; but were often dictated to what and how to feel, this strikes at the very heart of our self-esteem and development of core identity. This gets compounded depending on the messages you received at home—then and now, a history of or an incident of trauma, peers that are negative or body image issues. “Gone with the Wind!” The wind is wild, it’s picked up, and it’s threatening. The “inner-you” needs to be recovered. What does this look like?


1. In a group you go with the flow or change your opinion or stance to please others
2. There is difficulty relating to others
3. There is the need to be on your phone or checking your social media platforms
4. The preference to always disappear in the background
5. The need to apologize all the time
These are just a few principal ones. If you are curious about core identity development or identity statuses, check out James Marcia’s work. James Marcia has expanded on the importance of properly developed psychological identity development. Here is the link: https://www.learning-theories.com/identity-status-theory-marcia.html
A few social maladies associated with “Gone with the Wind” are the following:
1. Anxiety
2. Depression
3. Low self-esteem
4. Social Anxiety

Observing that our lives have dominant stories and “other stories” not discussed or uncovered, I leave you with this quote from Edouard Glissant, “we must unearth the unofficial truths that official history has suppressed.”

Enough Said! Are you interested to develop/grow “being with yourself?” If you are like me, I do not like to be “put on blast!” So, here is a free downloadable quiz on “What are my good qualities.” From here, I am confident you will seek additional supports, you determine, to assist you on your way!

[pdf-embedder url=”https://nbhi-llc.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/What-are-my-good-qualities-PDF-A.pdf” title=”What are my good qualities PDF A”][pdf-embedder url=”https://nbhi-llc.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/What-are-my-good-qualities-PDF-B.pdf” title=”What are my good qualities PDF B”]


Disclaimer: the information provided in this guide is for information purposes only and not to be construed as advice. You should consult with a licensed mental health practitioner for help with your specific situation.



  1. Darlene on February 7, 2020 at 12:15 am

    I don’t mind being with myself however as stated experiences over the years have caused me to experience some of these emotions at my current state. Thank you for the qualities assessment. I will look inside 🙂

    • admin on February 7, 2020 at 12:38 am

      Thank you for being open and willingness to share. I hope you will have fun with the assessment!

  2. TD on February 7, 2020 at 4:47 pm

    At times it can feel
    Like your emotions are gone with the wind. Being aware is the first step in being able to center yourself and not fluctuate emotionally. This assessment seems like a great tool to open the doorway of awareness.

  3. Milly on February 7, 2020 at 11:07 pm

    What a great article! Makes you think……

    We tend to be our own enemy and are very hard on ourselves. We are easily kind to others however it is hard to be kind to ourselves. I find myself always appologizing even if it is not my fault ( with my husband is different lol). I also tend to find it difficult at times to be alone and that is because of my childhood.
    Thank you again for all of these great articles.