” HOW TO SET AND KEEP BOUNDARIES.”

 

Creating a safe space, healthy boundaries is not something we were taught growing up. For some, this may have been confusing leading to creating a personality of pleasing others while our needs are left unmet.

 

 Creating a safe space, healthy boundaries is not something we were taught growing up. For some, this may have been confusing leading to creating a personality of pleasing others while our needs are left unmet.

Do you have difficulty in saying “No” to others? Even marriage relationships need to have boundaries. Creating and keeping boundaries is critical to your overall well-being. All relationships require proper boundaries for healthy functioning.

Above all, it provides for mutually satisfying exchanges.  Boundaries are not only physical but also emotional and psychological.  This is equally, if not, most important. They help to protect, build trust, and respect.

REASONS FOR BOUNDARIES

With proper boundaries in place, persons are able to share and receive resources appropriately enhancing one’s mental and emotional health.

Lack of proper boundaries tends to lead to dysfunctional patterns of communication and relationships.https://nbhi-llc.org/2021/06/how-to-stop-needing-the-approval-of-others/


Setting limits with others can be challenging, especially with persons who are difficult or do not see the impact of their actions on others. 

Healthy boundaries bring change– starting with yourself first. QUESTION: ARE YOU A PEOPLE PLEASER?

Creating a safe space, healthy boundaries is not something we were taught growing up. For some, this may have been confusing leading to creating a personality of pleasing others while our needs are left unmet.
The Past

 

POOR SELF-ESTEEM/INNER-CONFLICT

 

People-pleasing is a “red flag” for persons who lack appropriate boundaries. You feel the need to comply or being the “good graces” of authority figures.

Therefore, this invites the abuse and misuse of others. Allowing such behaviours come from our past environments and stories. https://nbhi-llc.org/2021/01/your-past-is-not-healed-in-time-but-with-action-include-these-5-life-transforming-steps-to-reclaiming-your-life/

EFFECTS & CONSEQUENCES

Creating a safe space, healthy boundaries is not something we were taught growing up. For some, this may have been confusing leading to creating a personality of pleasing others while our needs are left unmet.

Consequently, domestic violence, poor self-esteem, inner-conflict, and financial ruin is the result for many.

Given the cyclical, toxic nature of these types of relationships, living a full and healthy life becomes almost, if not, impossible. https://www.justinemfulama.com/relationships/low-self-esteem-in-a-relationship/

The impacts are negative and affect many areas in a person’s life. Talking to a trusted friend is a great start. 

In addition, seeking the support of a mental health professional is another way you can have practical and supportive guidance. 

Consequently allowing you to take immediate actions so you can make the desired changes in your life.

Relief is possible with the deliberate practice of the following:


6 PRACTICAL WAYS TO CREATE AND PRESERVE YOUR BOUNDARIES

  1. Speak up (e.g. Ensure your safety and well-being first, verbalize needs, or write a letter)
  2. Being non-judgmental (Show yourself compassion and support (first)
  3. Recognize and acknowledge your own needs (Write them down, be curious about them)
  4. Identify others who violate your boundaries
  5. Be accountable (Seek professional support or a  trusted friend to reinforce your action and skills)
  6. Continue this practice
Creating a safe space, healthy boundaries is not something we were taught growing up. For some, this may have been confusing leading to creating a personality of pleasing others while our needs are left unmet.

BENEFITS OF PRACTICE

Practicing new habits can be challenging! Especially in the face of emotional crisis or instability. Above all, showing yourself compassion is the key to you changing how you allow others to treat you.

That is to say, being kind to yourself is more adaptive or “user friendly”; allowing you to integrate or “come into” this way of being.

In other words, this feels more natural and tolerable instead of being harsh and critical of your efforts.

Creating a safe space, healthy boundaries is not something we were taught growing up. For some, this may have been confusing leading to creating a personality of pleasing others while our needs are left unmet.

 

WHY YOU SHOULD
As you consider these points, remember there is no need to feel the need to master all the suggestions/skills listed. 

Similarly, when making changes to any system, start with the most manageable area. Why?

After a while of continuous practice, you will feel encouraged which will motivate you causing increased capabilities.

So, like any new skill, or perhaps retooling a skill, it takes time, attention, and support which are essential.  Choose where you begin, so you can be intentional about your win!

"So, we limit ourselves by what we already know
creating the unknown takes courage, I have to bold."




K.Henry (Copyright 2021)

 

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